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Real friends

Friendship is one of the best things in life, and one of the hardest to get right.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

Proverbs 27:17 (KJV)

At your age, friendships can change fast. People drift, groups shift, and something small can feel huge. It is normal to feel lonely even when you have people around you, and it is normal to be unsure whether you are being a good friend.

The verse says good friends make each other better, the way one blade sharpens another. That is not about being harsh. It is about people who bring out something good in you, tell you the truth kindly, and are glad when things go well for you.

Two questions can help. First: do the people I spend time with leave me feeling more like myself, or less? Second: am I the kind of friend I would like to have? You do not need a huge circle. One or two people you can be honest with is a good friendship. And if some friendships are mainly painful, it is okay to step back, gently, and spend your time elsewhere.

Questions to sit with

• Who makes you feel better about yourself after you have spent time with them?
• What would a good friend say about you? What would you like them to say?
• Is there someone who seems left out whom you could include?

One small thing to try

Send one message this week that is only to say you value a friend: no favour, no joke, just that.

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If things feel too heavy: you do not have to carry it alone. Tell a parent, a teacher, a pastor or another adult you trust. If you are in immediate physical danger, have a medical emergency or are being hurt, call 911 (US) or your local emergency number. If you are in an emotional crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Outside the US? Find a free, confidential helpline at findahelpline.com. These pages are not a substitute for professional or pastoral care.