Day 25: Ask for counsel

Reflect

A particular loneliness comes with big decisions made in isolation. You think through the options over and over, and the thinking begins to circle. It can feel as if you are the only person who can solve it, and that asking for input would be a kind of admission.

The Proverbs take the opposite view. Where there is no counsel, they say, people fall, but in a multitude of counsellors there is safety. It is a plain, practical statement. We often cannot see our own situations clearly. Other people can, and they bring perspectives and experience we lack.

Counsel does not mean doing whatever you are told. It means gathering wise input and weighing it. The best counsellors are usually the ones who ask good questions, who know you reasonably well, and who want your good rather than their own comfort. They are not always the most confident voices. Sometimes the most useful person in the room is someone who says, I do not know, but let us think about it.

It is also worth seeking counsel from different kinds of people. A pastor or spiritual friend can help you think about calling and faith. Someone in your field can help with practical questions. A qualified adviser can help with financial, legal or career-planning questions that depend on where you live. A counsellor can help if the emotional weight is heavy. No one of them has to be everything.

When you ask, be specific. A request like, could I ask your thoughts on one decision I am facing, is easier to answer than a general plea for advice. And when you receive counsel, say thank you, and take time with it before you respond.

Today, think about whose wisdom you trust, and what you would like to ask them.

Verse

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)

Journal

What decision am I weighing right now? Who are two or three people whose wisdom I trust, and what would I ask each of them?

One small action

Contact one of those people today and ask for a short conversation. Write down your one specific question beforehand.

A 60-second breath prayer

Breathe in: “Give me wise counsel”

Breathe out: “and a humble ear”

Breathe slowly for about a minute, saying the first line as you breathe in and the second as you breathe out.